5 barriers to self-care (and what you can do to overcome them)

Why is Prioritizing Yourself Difficult?

Have you ever noticed how you would drop what you are doing and help your friend in an instant or run around all day trying to make your family happy? What about committing yourself to work by pouring into your job and working long hours? When is there time left for you to take care of yourself?

 Imagine looking at your to-do list and writing down your favorite activities that bring you joy. Imagine doing something for the sole fact that you want to, not because you have to. It is possible to move towards a better work-life balance. Most of us, on the thinking level, know that we need to care for ourselves. We know we are tired and that we can get energy back by resting or doing something that we love. Most of us don’t need a hard sell on why self-care and self-love is important. However, there are other barriers to self-care that can make us feel stuck! Read more to see what some of the common barriers are and tips on overcoming them.

 1. TIME AS A BARRIER TO SELF CARE

We are busy humans. We work. We have loved ones. We have care-taking responsibilities. We have to run a house. Time is a real barrier. There are some seasons in life where we also don’t have a lot of control over free time. Let’s say you have some littles at home and a full time job, your kids still need that care and your job still requires the tasks to get done so it can feel impossible to find any moment of free time when juggling those major areas.

Tips when time is a barrier.

• Start small. Can you take a few deep breaths in the car before you head to work? Can you put on your favorite song on your way home to unwind before going into family mode? Can you grab a glass of water on your lunch break? Can you recite a mantra when you wake up? Self care can start by taking a few SECONDS for yourself when you may not have the luxury of taking minutes or hours for yourself.

• Include your loved ones. Self-care doesn’t always have to be solo. Maybe your current season of life includes extra family time. This doesn’t mean your needs have to get pushed aside. If your body needs some movement, put on a family friendly yoga video, go for a walk with the kids, or have a 5 minute dance party. If you love to get creative, pull out some art supplies and do a 30 minute craft project with the kiddos. Have a family pizza night or game night or movie night. Listen to what your body needs and see how you can include others along the way.

2. GUILT AS A BARRIER TO SELF CARE

Guilt is what we feel when we try to make time for ourselves and instantly remember our giant to-do list. We feel guilty if we take time away from work. We feel guilty if we take time away from home. We get called selfish. We get judged. We then feel like crap when we are supposed to be refilling our cup.

Why do we feel guilty for caring for ourselves? Most of us get messages from our families or society about how we SHOULD act. There are these wild expectations that everyone is a superhero and can do all the things and we don’t experience stress or worry. If we stray from these expectations and how others around us do something, then we must be the bad ones. It is time to stop that guilt. It is hard. For many, it is ingrained deep into our brains and takes time and effort to get unstuck. Practice small steps and over time the guilt will shift!

Tips when guilt is a barrier.

• Remind yourself you matter. Have a mantra or way to remind yourself that your needs are also important. The guilt won’t go away overnight so practice this mantra/reminder regularly and over time it will stick!

• Practice self-compassion. Notice the guilt, and don’t beat yourself up over it. If helpful, maybe talk to a professional about ways to release the guilt.

• Pause the comparison game. We can’t compare our needs and wants with other’s expectations and what works for them. Do what works for you! If they don’t like, that’s on them to figure out.

 3. MONEY AS A BARRIER TO SELF CARE

If you want anything on tv about self-care it often involves women taking a spa day, getting their nails done, or going shopping. Don’t get me wrong, those things are great for many people, but that isn’t the only form of self-care. There are a lot of free and accessible self-care acts you can try. Some self-care may be worth the investment. Therapy for example is self-care and an act of putting yourself first for one hour a week. Look at your finances and see what areas you can practice free self-care and where it may be worth investing in yourself.

Tips when money is a barrier.

• Go outside. There are so many health benefits of being outside and connecting with nature. Maybe you sit outside for 5 minutes. Maybe you walk around a local park. Maybe you smell some flowers. Maybe you draw a nature landscape.

• Use additional resources to spark ideas. Google your city and free activities. Go to the library and they normally have a list of free events. Join a club. Our communities can be so helpful, it just might take some searching.

• Help others. Self-care can serve others as well. Maybe we reach out to a friend with a phone call. Maybe we write our grandparent a handwritten note. Maybe we bake a sweet treat for our neighbors. It is okay to serve others, as long as you are also serving yourself.

4. ENERGY AS A BARRIER TO SELF CARE

Sometimes you know self-care is important, you have access to your fave activities, and yet you have a hard time starting them. Often, people are busy and tired when they are home so it can be hard to find that motivation and push to do something for yourself.

Tips when energy is a barrier.

• Remind yourself that rest is self-care. If your body is truly telling you that you are tired and it needs rest, it needs rest. Self-care is not always doing something, sometimes it is doing nothing. And being okay with that. Give yourself kindness and grace. Rest.

• Have different ideas for different energy levels. This is something I do with a lot of my clients. Think of things to do that don’t require much energy for the days you have low energy.

5. FEELING STUCK AS A BARRIER TO SELF CARE

The last barrier I want us to chat about is how we may not be used to looking inwards on our needs and have NO IDEA where to start? It is possible that we have gotten used to putting others first all the time so that our own needs have shrunk and gotten ignored, even to ourselves. Some people have no idea what their body needs and how they would refill their cup. They haven’t had the privilege of doing so, yet. This is normal and you are not alone.

Tips when feeling stuck is a barrier.

• Try something new. Look online for ideas of self-care and play around with some. It may take some trial and error but over time you will find what works for you.

• Talk to your trusted people and see what works for them. Remember, everyone is different, so what works for your pal may not work for you, AND THAT’S OKAY! It just gives us a starting spot! With time, this will get easier and you will start to notice what works and what doesn’t work. It can be an empowering experience.

I hope you’re able to find at least one thing on this list to try this week as you work on prioritizing yourself. I know for me, I look forward to my slow mornings with coffee and cat cuddles before I jump into work mode. Before that, I remember my mornings were full of dread of starting work and getting tired by 2:00pm. I wasn’t taking care of myself and it was leading to burnout. If you notice these barriers are controlling things and if you’ve ever wondered about burnout, read this blog post that explains more!

If you notice more barriers or need extra tips on overcoming these barriers, counseling may be a good next step! Learn more about counseling HERE.

-Alicia Johnson, The Burnout Therapist

Licensed therapist in Ann Arbor, providing online counseling across Michigan, Oklahoma, South Carolina, and Florida.